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My healing journey

My Healing Journey

A poem to Madre Ayahuasca

Thank you for carrying me from darkness to light. 

Shadows enfolded with beautiful rainbows, colors as bright as the stars. Being blinded by its purity and tenderness. Softly wandering above clouds, closer to eternity. 

Where self is invisible and connection is the only essence. 

Guided to the places where it all began, where all beauty started. 

The music flows through the veins as if it merges with soul. 

Emotions like never felt before, astonished by its power and force. 

It is all me, it is all us, it’s souls United. There is no more doubt, no more pain, relieved from everything that once was. 

A child is born, seeing the world with new eyes. Curious and innocent. Non-judgmental and liberated. 

Thank you for sharing the most precious moments with me 

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My path to Madre Ayahuasca

The first time I have heard of Ayahuasca was about 8 years ago when a friend embarked on a spiritual journey to Peru. At this time I was already thinking about making my way to Peru as well but somehow I was too scared… I’ve had a long struggle with depression and anxiety and actually at this point there was nothing to be afraid of anymore since my thoughts were already clouded by darkness. But I was simply not ready. And to be honest up to this day I humble myself to the power of this plant. I have seen that it can transform people's lives, but it is also one of the most painful and heavy experiences you can have. Once I’ve moved to Amsterdam I met two women (surely not by accident) who journeyed with this plant before. And all of the sudden it made sense - I felt like this is my calling. All I can say is that it was one of the most profound decisions of my life - I will never ever forget about the teachings I have received and yet it can be still difficult to integrate them all in our hectic and stressful environment. It has healed me in so many ways and after traveling for 8 times I see that each time another layer healed. 

 

In my last trip I was finally ready to not only see the visions inside of me, but also on the outer world. I have travelled to the ancient Egyptian time… it made me realize that once you clean up within yourself you will be finally able to see the wonders of the world. One of the teachings I got is that my voice is a tool I need to use more often as it can bring also healing to others and many more I’m still integrating. 

 

ꨄ Are you ready for a new paradigm? ꨄ

My path to Yoga

Yoga Sirsasana

Yoga stems from the Sanskrit root yui, which means ‘to yoke’ or ‘to unite’. 

 

 ❤︎︎ The goal of a yoga practice is to find a union between your body, mind and spirit as well as between the individual self and universal consciousness. The union helps to balance out ego-driven thoughts and behaviours, creating a sense of spiritual awakening. 

❤︎︎ Yoga consists of the three pillars – Breath work (Pranayama), Body practice (Asanas) and Meditation. 

 

This is what I was looking for already as a teenager, when I had no sense of direction or feeling of inner stability. At that time, I was focused on improving my overall wellbeing and taking care of my body, but I also faced some challenges with self-esteem related to my physical appearance. I had a dedicated commitment to exercise and mindful management of my calorie intake.

The first time I stepped on a Yoga mat was when I was 18 years old. I remember that I was immediately fascinated by the effects Yoga had on me. It calmed my mind, made my body leaner and flexible and just felt right from the first class onwards.

I was not aware yet about who I am or what I want in my life at this time I saw Yoga more as a fun activity than understanding the real benefits of it. Looking back, it opened a door for me into the world of Yoga, but it felt more like an outsider looking into a world, that is not yet accessible.

In 2013 I explored the first time Iyengar Yoga developed by B.K.S Iyengar a famous yogi and author, which focuses on detail, precision and alignment in the yoga postures. What I liked about it is, that it is suitable for each level of experience and it makes use of different props, like blocks, belts and blankets. The teacher also introduced me for the first time to the history of Yoga and was sharing an article about the positive anti-stress potential Yoga has on the body and mind. 

I had my first ‘spiritual breakthrough’ in Pune when I travelled to India in 2018 to complete a 300 hour Asthanga and Vinyasa teacher training in Goa. Pune, in the Southern part of India, represents the Holy city of Yoga – from Osho ashram to Isha Foundation to Iyengar yoga -  it is the place to be. The vibe here is very special and I was lucky enough to explore the wonders and monuments of the city with a local Indian friend. 

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Music & Sound

As a child, I stumbled upon the magical world of music, where I found my love for dancing and singing. For several years, I was lending my voice to a wedding band.  As someone who has always held music close to my heart, it was a disheartening experience to find myself losing interest in it during a challenging period of my life. The negative influences of some unhealthy people in my life had a draining effect on me, leaving me feeling downtrodden and disengaged from something that had always brought me joy. Unfortunately, this was compounded by chronic throat infections that persisted for some time, ultimately leading me to undergo tonsil surgery. The healing process took longer than expected and left my voice feeling altered, causing me to withdraw from music for a prolonged period. After experiencing the transformative power of Ayahuasca in my first ceremony, my passion for music was reignited and I made the decision to learn to play the guitar, with the intention of accompanying myself while singing. Through this journey, I have emerged stronger than ever, having processed and released many heavy emotions that were holding me back. As a result, my voice has undergone a remarkable transformation, gaining a powerful force and newfound maturity that I had not previously experienced.

Relationship
Couple

A loving connection...

I have met Mostafa two years ago in Amsterdam. We were both living abroad for a while, me for 5 years in the Netherlands and 1 year in Australia, and Mostafa for 3 years in the Netherlands and 7 years in Dubai. Despite our vastly different cultural backgrounds - I'm German and he's Egyptian - I felt an immediate sense of home and comfort with him. Living abroad had always been a dream of mine, and while the Netherlands is culturally similar to Germany, it opened up doors that I could never have reached back home.

One of the most significant doors that opened was access to plant medicine and psychedelic truffles, which helped me deepen my spiritual and personal growth. Additionally, I began a regular yoga practice, which helped me connect with my body and mind on a deeper level.

Prior to my relationship with Mostafa, I struggled with unhealthy connections with partners who were wounded and avoidant, unable to hold space for me or accept me for who I am. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me, but looking back, I see that I was simply attracted to the wrong men. I projected all of my unhealed wounds onto them, unable to recognize that I needed to love and accept myself first.

With Mostafa, I found a secure and stable partner who could hold space for me, even in times of emotional turbulence. Choosing a partner like Mostafa required consistent self-reflection and realignment. But through my journey of self-love, I realized that accepting myself was key to finding someone who would accept me with all of my flaws and imperfections.

Human Design & Gene Keys Profile

Human design

I am a Human Design Projector with a 2/4 Splenic authority and an open identity center. It's an interesting journey as a Projector, because the world is not always set up for us. Do you ever find that being around people drains your energy? I certainly do. I'm taking time to explore and understand myself better, finding ways to bring balance into my life. It's a turbulent time in the world, and I often feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the intensity of it all. I'm sure many of you can relate. I have discovered Human Design a few years ago and it resonated deeply with me. It felt like someone finally understood my nature entirely. As someone with 6 open centers, I often absorb the energies of others and struggle to feel appreciated for my unique gifts. But by waiting for recognition and invitation, and surrounding myself with the right people who see my true gifts, I know I can guide others with my penetrating and focused aura. It's essential to follow my inner authority and not work against it to avoid bitterness and exhaustion.

Gene Keys

Gene Keys: My conscious side is that of an adventurer, someone who follows their heart and dreams and is not afraid to go against the crowd. My line 2 indicates the importance of fluidity in life and that my life's work will come naturally and easily to me. However, my biggest challenge lies in impatience, which can disrupt my flow and lead to wasted efforts. But as a line 2, I learn best about my challenges and gifts through relationships, and it's important to listen to the feedback of loved ones. Overcoming impatience will lead to timelessness and a deep attunement to the environment, allowing me to follow my true passion with innocent enthusiasm. On the unconscious side, my radiance reflects the environment in which I thrive best. As a deeply visual person, a refined environment is beneficial for my health, and I need lots of intellectual stimuli to learn best. With a line 4 radiance, I have a magnetically ability to attract good people, but I must be mindful of the shadow frequency that can draw in negative influences. I excel in the company of loved ones, and my line 4 also gives me great people skills. Ultimately, my purpose is to inspire others and use my imagination to open people to magical realms and help them break free from confusion. As a line 4, I have the potential to bring humanity together and realize our unity.

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